Hey 2013, you were kind of a jerkwad

But I thought I’d do this anyway.

What did you do in 2013 that you’d never done before?

  • Lived on my own for the first time in over a decade
  • Adopted a shelter dog
  • Went on a roadtrip to Portland
  • Saw Adam Ant in concert from the FIRST ROW yesssss. (I took this photo. From the first row. Yes, I did.)

2013-09-06 21.32.49

  • Nearly got thrown in jail in a foreign country. (I have, however, been thrown in jail (sort of) in my own country. But that’s a story for another day.)


Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

Did I make any last year? Unlikely. I want to lose the stress weight I gained this year. Such a cliche, ugh. But wait. It’s not really STRESS weight. I always say I’m a stress eater, but I’m not. I’m a comfort eater. If  I’m feeling down, my brain is like “You know what would make you feel good for about 10 minutes? MAC AND CHEESE.” and then I eat mac and cheese and long story short: Big butt.

Did anyone close to you give birth?

Whenever I read this question I picture, like, I’m on a bus, and someone just gives birth and I’m like:


Close to me. You know?

Anyway. Several of my internet ladies had babies this year – Erin, Jess, Liz and Linnea, off the top of my head. Linnea had her baby ON MY BIRTHDAY YOU ARE THE BEST LINNEA.

Edit: Also Susie! Susie had little Hazel, hiiii Susie and Hazel!

 Did anyone close to you die?

No, thankfully.

What countries did you visit?

Just the US again. Phoenix in February, Seattle and Portland in September and then a quick jaunt to the Seattle area again in December.

What would you like to have in 2014 that you lacked in 2013?

Happiness. New floors. A new bathroom. The usual.

What dates from 2013 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

Ugh, OK. Here’s where it gets sad. The first weekend in October, when Andrew moved out. It was awful and I could say a million things here but thinking of that day, that moment when he walked out the door can still shred me so MOVING ON.

What was your biggest achievement of the year?

I don’t know. I want to say something about nutting up and ending my relationship but that still feels like a giant failure, so I don’t know. I know it was the right thing to do, and I can’t say I REGRET it. But sometimes I do. I KNOW I KNOW.

What was your biggest failure?

Well, shit. See above. I know I tried hard. I know I did. But I failed. I did. We did. And I regret that, I do.

Did you suffer illness or injury?

I had my long awaited sinus surgery in March and it was unpleasant but not horrific and I haven’t had a sinus infection since TOUCH WOOD so all in all, worth it. Even though I had to have my face vacuumed out MANY TIMES post-surgery and good LORD that’s unpleasant, yes. Worth it.

What was the best thing you bought?

Scioncé. I wasn’t planning on buying a new car this year, but mine was in an accident earlier this year and the insurance company told me it was a write-off and there you go. New car. (I LOVE MY NEW CAR.)

Whose behaviour merited celebration?

My friends and family. I feel like I say this every year. I’m so lucky, I really am.

Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?

Internet commenters. The ones I don’t know. The misogynist, racist, homophobic ones. I just cannot even. What is WRONG with people. Mind your business, live and let live, amen.

Where did most of your money go?

So boring. Mortgage. Car payments. #zzzz #old

What did you get really excited about?

PJs at TJs! My new car! The Blathering! (And then I didn’t go!) Adam Ant roadtrip! Edie Ann!

What song will always remind you of 2013?

I was originally going to put Katy Perry’s “Roar” here because I am a cliche and when you go through a breakup sometimes you need to sing shit like this at the top of your lungs. Instead I’m going to list a few songs I liked this year:

I dig Macklemore. Did you see is NPR Tiny Desk concert? It’s amazing:


ALSO OK FINE BLURRED LINES #robinthickeisabigdick

(Call me, Pharrell.)

Lily Allen. I love Lily Allen SO HARD. I’m not saying there aren’t ISSUES with this video, but I love the song.

It’s hard out here for a bitch.

Lastly, Eminem and Rihanna.

Oh they both have pissed me off over the years. But this song is amazing and to get all deep – yes. I am friends with the monster that’s under my bed. Progress, yo.


Compared to this time last year, are you:

  • Happier or sadder? Oh man. More content, but sadder. I am still sad. But I’m hopeful. And sad and hopeful is ok.
  • Thinner or fatter? Fatter. No question.
  • Richer or poorer? Again, I’m day-to-day poorer, but for good reasons – buying a new car set me back but hey. Newer car. Less repair bills and so forth. (BORING.)

What do you wish you’d done more of?

Exercising. When I’m depressed, people say “OH. Get some exercise!” and I’m like “I can barely get out of bed, can you go fuck yourself?” Only in my head, because I’m Canadian and polite by default. Exercising DOES make me feel better. And I’m getting there.

What do you wish you’d done less of?

Crying. But also whatever. I had to. I needed to.

How did you spend Christmas?

I slept in for the first time in a MILLION YEARS and then I went to my dad’s for a bit. Came home and relaxed for a bit and then went to my mom’s. My mom had been on vacation leading up to Christmas and didn’t want to take on a full Christmas dinner, so I picked up a bunch of appies at Trader Joe’s and we had a big old appie fest and it was FANTASTIC. Call me, Trader Joe.

Did you fall in love in 2013?



What was your favorite TV program?

I discovered Doctor Who this year. Ten. Call me.

Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

Nope. I hate this question.

What was the best book you read?

Probably Killer Show. Do you remember back about 10 years ago, that fire at a nightclub in Rhode Island? I came across a thread about it on Reddit and got all WHOAMYGOD obsessed about it. OBSESSED. A hundred people died in this tiny, tiny nightclub. In a fire. Rushing to get out the front door. It’s like every phobia I have, come to life (except for clusters, I guess) and I just couldn’t put it down. It’s heartbreaking and maddening (the fire should not have happened. At all. People are assholes.) and yeah. Read it and you will never enter another building ever again without checking for the fastest, safest route out (hint: it’s likely not the way you came in, but your brain will try to tell you it is.)

What was your greatest musical discovery?

Oh god. I have no idea. I am the biggest old lady ever about music. But I did buy the entire new Eminem album – I haven’t bought an entire album since Amy Winehouse’s Back to Black. So.

What did you want and get?

A dog. If you follow me on twitter, you’ll know I spent about a month (!) communicating with a rescue organization in Taiwan about a rescue pup there. His name was Gucci and I fell in love with him. I wanted to bring that dog home to live with me SO BAD. A lot of dogs in Taiwan are strays and/or have been abused. Gucci was found chained up and neglected.

I spent a lot of time emailing with the rescue organization (and having a home visit) and everything looked good – the organization REALLY wanted to find him a home with no other dogs and no children, in a home he’d receive a lot of affection. Check, check, check. It looked like he’d be on a flight from Taiwan on either December 10th or 20th. At the last minute I saw a video where he was very aggressively snapping at strangers walking by. All I could think of were the seniors and toddlers in my building and I had to say no. And I cried and beat myself up for walking into a situation where I faced a good chance at heartbreak and woe. I was sad.

I found another dog I was interested in down in Portland. The shelter coordinator seemed really keen on me coming down and we emailed frequently and then. Nothing. No communication. It turned out (I found out later) that the dog’s foster family wanted to adopt her. Fine! Fine! Great! The most important thing is the dog has a good home. But still. Disappointing.

Then I found a shelter with three dogs I liked, all being fostered in the Seattle area. I had my application approved and arranged to go down to an adoption event in Kirkland, WA and met my little Edith Ann.

I’m not one for “everything happens for a reason” but if I hadn’t spent such a long time dealing with Gucci and the other dog, Edie wouldn’t have been available. And she is a love and the best dog for me. I love her so much. Edie!

2013-12-23 07.22.44

What did you want and not get?

Renos. I planned to do some this year but then ended up with a car payment and no.

What was your favorite film of this year?

Ummm. I’m not sure I went to a movie this year. LAME.

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

44. OMG. My birthday fell on a Monday this year, so. I did nothing. But I celebrated the weekend before with friends and family so it was fine.

What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Not going through a breakup.

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2012?

Elastic waistband pants.

What kept you sane?

Prescription medication.

Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Call me, Eyebrows.


What political issue stirred you the most?

Ugh, I don’t want to talk about it.

Who did you miss?

Andrew. When we were having troubles, I missed the man I fell in love with. When we split, I just missed him, period. I still miss him. And Dexter.

Who was the best new person you met?


Screen Shot 2013-12-30 at 6.37.50 PM

(also Susie and Ginger and Jules and who else am I forgetting that I met at PJs this year and look like a huge asshole now and also Tara who I didn’t meet at PJs but met this year and also Rachael’s kids.)

Edit: Ugh, see, this is why I shouldn’t list names. I also met Shriekhouse, Shalini, Sarah and Angela in Seattle this year at a great internet ladies lunch. Love all you guys too, can’t wait to do it again!

Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2013.

Being alone is ok if you have hope. Being without hope is miserable, even if you are not alone.

Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

Blah blah blah something something in Roar: “I’ve got the eye of the tiger and whatnot la la la.” I’m going to be ok.

This entry was posted in I broke my categories, ok?. Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to Hey 2013, you were kind of a jerkwad

  1. snoozical says:

    LARA. I am not sure I could love you more. I cannot wait to hug the shit out of you in 50mumbles days.

    • purplelara says:

      AH. YOU had a baby this year too. I’m a jerkwad! I knew I’d miss someone. HI HAZEL.

      I canNOT WAIT TO SEE YOU SNOOZE. 50ishsomethingsomething days.HUGS AND PUB CHEESE.

  2. Sarah Anne says:

    Oh Lara, I am STILL ticked that we lived in the same area and I couldn’t get my shit together! It will happen!!

    Being without hope IS miserable…alone or not. God, how true.

    Much love to you and Edie (Edie!!!!!!) in 2014. You are awesome.

  3. Becky says:

    Literally cry-laughing over the Joey gif. Nice work.

  4. Lynnette says:

    LARA THANK YOU. 2013 goal met. And YOU are the BEST.

  5. PinkieBling says:

    I’m sorry 2013 was kind of a bag of dicks to you. I think you are all-around amazing, and I can’t wait to see you again in February!

  6. All of the hugs (and makeup!!!) in the world to you for your crappy 2013. I have been crazy busy at work and in life and I totally miss hanging out with you on the twitters. Have all of the fun for me at PJ’s!

  7. Best response to the “did someone close to you give birth?” question ever.

    Your Edie is SO CUTE.

  8. Ginger says:

    I’m sorry for the crappy stuff 2013 brought you, but HOT DAMN is that Edie just making me smile like a loon. She’s exactly the adorable sweetheart you deserve!

    I can’t wait to see you again soon!

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