tiger tiger burning bright / in the ladies of the night

Posted on December 7, 2009 by

When the story of Tiger Woods’ affair(s) broke last week, I posted a couple of thoughts on Twitter:

THIS JUST IN: cheating on your wife may have consequences.

If you want to keep your home life private, perhaps you shouldn’t expose your private parts outside your home.

And these, as the subject of celebrities cheating and same sex marriages both trended on Twitter on the same day:

One of MY values is married people shouldn’t cheat. Therefore, I hereby invalidate a fuck-load of marriages. Go get a civil union, cheaters.

…And if I was a cheater I’d still be allowed to be married but same-sex couples aren’t…

I found two fantastic Esquire articles about Tiger via Twitter as well, tweeted by @jonniker, which I think everyone should read. The first Is This the End of Tiger Woods? was written on December 3 regarding recent events. That article links to an earlier story written in 1997 which speaks to the highly constructed images of celebrities like Tiger’s, images that no person alive can live up to.

Yes, I guess I’m playing into the cult of media obsession by talking about this on Twitter and here. I guess. I don’t want to dwell on it, but I do think he has lost some right to privacy by breaching it his damn self . But. I don’t believe we have the right to be informed of every step along the way to the ultimate resolution Tiger and his wife come to, whether that is a reconciliation or a divorce, and it is not up to the media to decide or speculate about that resolution.

What I do want to say is this: How would this have played out if Tiger’s image had been one of a human, flawed individual instead of the Second Coming? In a world where we are fascinated by reality television and peering into the homes of celebrities, why do PR folks and other handlers (I don’t know the correct terms) insist on spewing forth unrealistic images of celebrities? Why not be honest and present them as they are, warts and all? Tiger was a very young man when he emerged into the public eye. It is only to be expected he had some flaws, and maybe some serious ones. But hiding his flaws from the public only resulted in a fall from grace that has been that much more disastrous and fascinating to the general public.

I don’t want to know every detail of celebrities’ lives, I truly don’t. But I also don’t appreciate essentially being lied to by the false fronts we are so often presented with. Be honest. We know these people are human, give us some credit and stop trying to whitewash them if you don’t want the media salivating all over the place when they do mess up.

Lastly, with respect to his privacy being breached, please read this while I’m busy rolling my eyes clear out of my head:

“1) “Although I am a well-known person and have made my career as a professional athlete, I have been dismayed to realize the full extent of what tabloid scrutiny really means.”

It means you can’t misbehave without people finding out, stupid. Tiger Woods gets all huffy about privacy in his web message last week about his “transgressions,” perhaps forgetting that picking downmarket kiss-and-tell girlfriends might have an effect on his wife’s privacy. Just a thought.”(source).

Exactly.

Posted in get off my lawn | 1 Comment

gifted

Posted on December 4, 2009 by

As some of you know, it was my birthday this week. Andrew never asked what I wanted as a gift, but I wasn’t worried, as he’s come up with some great ones before – maybe I’ll tell you about some of them sometime.

So on Wednesday night after I’d opened some girly lotions and manicure stuff, he sat down in front of me and handed me a velvet jewelry box (don’t get excited, it was bigger than *that*, more the size you’d find a necklace in). I pried the box open and found myself looking at this:

Whistle

To say I was a little confused would be accurate. I tried to think of what to say, my mind was racing. I think I had come up with “Oh! A whistle!” and “for safety…right?” before he said “Look at the sides”.

On one side is engraved:

To Lara

And on the other:

Just Whistle

Posted in good things, home sweet home | 1 Comment

39

Posted on December 1, 2009 by

When I was little, I had a ritual on the eve of my birthday. I would lie in bed and remember the good things about my outgoing year and consider the things I wanted to be thinking about at the same time the next year. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized many people do this, but when I was little, I thought it made me special, and I’m glad that even as a child I knew to count my blessings.

Tonight, I’m doing that in front of the computer instead – can you imagine if I had a record of all those birthday-eve thoughts from years past? It would be amazing, so here is my new tradition – writing them down.

This year, my 39th, had it’s ups and downs as any year does, but it was mostly good. I have everything pretty much everything I need to make me happy, as previously noted. My birthday falls so late in the year it’s hard to remember back to the summer, but I know I had a wonderful summer – I hiked (including the Chief and the Grouse Grind), I swam in lakes (one secluded and quiet, the other full of slashing dogs and children). We spent sunny days in Squamish and Whistler and lovely evenings on patios – home and away.

I’m anything but materialistic, but I have a few things on my wish list I’d like to purchase before this time next year, and a few non-material goals too:

  • I’d like to move to a bigger apartment, one with LAUNDRY (This is how I know I’m old).
  • I want a new car. Not an upgrade, but a new-to-me car. My first car was a 1969 Volkswagen Bug, the same vintage as me, and ever since the new Bugs came out I’ve wanted one. I drive probably once every two or three weeks so I do NOT need a fancy new car and can’t justify the expense, but I’m going to sell my boring reliable Corolla and buy a used Bug this year, damnit.
  • A VACATION! It has been WAY TOO LONG. Between moves and new jobs and recessions, vacations have fallen down the To Do list and they need to be moved to the top of the list this year, no matter what.
  • I want to swim more. I took swimming lessons twice this year but have dropped off of them since the last session ended in mid-October. I love being in the water, it helps with my stress level and it helps keep me fit – I have no idea why I stopped.
  • Add the two above and you get…snorkeling. I LOVE snorkeling and I haven’t snorkeled since the day of the tsunami, five years ago. No excuse for that. I will snorkel this year.
  • I need to get myself back in better shape. I always say I gain weight when I’m unhappy (“oh screw it, my life sucks anyways, I’m ordering pizza and drinking wine”), but apparently I do it when I’m happy too (“let’s cuddle on the couch and eat pizza and drink wine, k?”). I need to dedicate two or three months to knuckling down on the food and wine and exercise fronts and just get ‘er done.
  • I want to buy and learn to use a REAL camera. This is something I’ve wanted to do since high school (not kidding) but have been thwarted by the lack of money to buy a decent camera. I need to make it a priority.

Now that I’ve written it down, this is my 40 list and I won’t edit it. Come back next year to see how I did.

Posted in good things, home sweet home | 4 Comments

protected

Posted on November 21, 2009 by

I need your help. As you may know, my birthday and Andrew’s are only days apart, which means he turns 40, three days ahead of me, in about a week.

I need advice on a present for him. The first year we were together, I gave him a day pass to Whistler.  I came up with the idea myself, he hadn’t hinted at it, and I wrapped it up with a card that said something like “What I want to give you more than anything is happiness, and I know how happy being on the mountain makes you. I hope that when you use this pass you are filled with happiness and maybe, just maybe, think of me.”

I’m awesome.

It was such a big hit that I gave him the same gift last year, even though it felt like a bit of a cop-out to get him the same gift two years in a row. But he loved it.

And so now, it’s his birthday in a week again. His 40th birthday. I’ve asked him what he wants and he said, unsurprisingly, “ski passes”. I want to get him what he wants, but I also want to make this birthday special, and I don’t want to give him the same present every year for the rest of his life.

Another idea I had was to get him a Bluetooth headset for his phone. He is in his truck, speaking to clients, all day long. Early next year a law will come into affect making cell phone use illegal while driving, except with a headset.

I know this would make a crazily un-sexy gift, but I also know he will HATE to part with the money to buy one himself.

If I was a lesbian and had a girlfriend, I would know, for certain, not to buy this for my partner as a birthday gift. Practical is not what we chicks want in a birthday present.

But what about men? Would he appreciate not having to spend his own money on a head-set? Could it be seen as a new toy? What about the fact that I’d be buying him the gift of “No Tickets” and “No Jail” and maybe even “Not Dying”?

As I write this, I’m leaning towards maybe giving him this as a Christmas present, instead of a 40th birthday present. But that leaves the question of what to get him for his birthday open.

Help me! Men – are practical gifts appreciated or lame? Women – what have you bought your significant others lately that they really loved?

Any help would be appreciated – thank you in advance!

Posted in general | 4 Comments

?

Posted on October 29, 2009 by

This day in paradise begins a little differently than most. Today we are setting out on a much anticipated snorkeling trip, my brother and I, our (now ex) partners, my brother’s best friend, his best friend’s dad, brother-in-law and nephew. The water and skies are as crystal clear as I’ve ever seen them as we reach our first stop. We swim into an island tunnel, a long, watery cave with a pirates’ oasis hidden in the centre.

We leave the cave island and head to our next destination, about an hour away. Suddenly, the boat stops. The driver and his mates point to the water – over 50 dolphins are circling the boat. They jump and spin in the air, splashing us. It’s magical and fantastic and we snap picture after picture, toasting with cold beers to the “BEST DAY EVER!”

The next island is my favourite snorkeling spot in the world. But on this day, the water is unexpectedly cloudy, not clear. The tides are rough, not peaceful. Standing on the shore’s edge, water is at your ankles one minute, the next, your neck. We leave, disappointed.

We jump in the ocean a couple of times on our way back inland but the water is too rough. “Strangest tides I’ve ever seen” says the friend’s brother-in-law, a scuba instructor.

We head back home in the glorious afternoon sunshine, still reveling in a near perfect day.

As we approach the shore of our island, we notice things in the water. Strange things, like a cooler. A lawn chair. A whole palm tree. What the hell? A baby bottle. Oh god.

There is no one on the miles of beach. No one. Not a soul. What happened here? What is happening here?

The boat is silent.

We come upon our beach and see crushed bungalows. The once white beach is now black – wet with dark sand; covered in debris. The entire place is deserted, except for one man who owns the beach bar next door.

We run to him “What happened Rocky? What happened? Where IS everyone?”

“Gone”, he says. “All gone. Earthquakes, all over the world. Everything. Gone. Everything. Everywhere”.

My heart stops and a shiver runs through my entire being. I look at my brother; we cry and hold each other close.

I count my blessings that I didn’t see worse that day and pray (in my own way) for those who didn’t make it through, who weren’t as lucky as we were.

It turns out Rocky was wrong. It wasn’t everywhere and everything, but in his world, it was. It was December 26, 2004 on a small island in Southern Thailand.

why...?

I’d like to thank the always kick-ass Linda at All & Sundry for giving me permission to snag the comment I left on her site about a year ago that formed the basis for this post.

Posted in thailand, travel | Tagged , , , | 3 Comments