I am always, always thinking about writing again. I never stick with it and I’m not sure why. I write at work, all day, every day so there’s that. I’m also told you should write about things you are passionate about, right? So, I should start a cheap wine blog? A pizza blog? AN AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL BLOG? (I’m kidding about one of those).

I started thinking the other day about the writing I did in the past and I wondering if I could remember the password associated with the account or even the email address I had at the time. Turns out I’m an awesome geek and I’d saved the info and last night I went and poked my head into, well, my own head all those years ago and ohgodwow.

I wonder if people question how things fell apart for us so quickly. Before it happened to me I questioned how two people could go from “let’s promise to be together all forever-like” to “I hate you so much DIE ALREADY” in just a few months. I stopped wondering pretty quick.

I forget myself how bad it was. What I put up with was ridiculous and humiliating and killed a part of me.

Some people don’t understand how damaging it is, how the horribly hurtful things said and done to you by someone you love makes it harder, not easier to leave. It damages you and when you’re damaged you hate yourself. You hate yourself for putting up with it, for not being able to stop it, for failing to be the person he wants you to be, and for being the person he tells you you are. Your self-esteem is shattered, daily, and with no self-esteem, you do not have the courage to leave. Until one day you do.

In this picture you can see what I mean – red and green and almost purple. Lovely. And yet the picture is awfully blurry…out of focus.

Why? Because the flash is off. I do not NEED the flash, based on the light. But fine. Let’s turn the flash on.

THAT IS NOT THE COLOUR IT WAS! The flash completely destroys the natural colours and yet I cannot take an in-focus picture without the flash. What the fuck?

Here we are again. Nice work on the auto-focus, CAMERA.

With flash:

WRONG!

So I can choose between blurry, crap shots or nicely focused ones with completely unnatural, unrealistic colours?

Hate.

By the way, it’s this camera here. It is under $200 now but I paid close to $400 for it about 3 years ago.

Perhaps I am an idiot, but the reason I bought a “point and shoot” is that they are supposed to be Idiot Proof. Clearly not – unless I am some special breed of magical Idiot.