pass the flashlight
I decide to start writing more and I get complete brain block. Typical, thanks BRAIN.
Part of the reason I’m blocked right now is I’m in a funk. A nice, deep, dark funk. Some people are inspired to write when they are blue, I am inspired drink wine. And, no. No, I will not post after a few drinks, no no no no no never.
My boyfriend, best friend and I have been planning a trip for over a year, partly for the usual reasons one goes on vacation – to have fun and relax and eat and drink – on the best beach in the world, and more significantly (for Andrew and I) to celebrate our 40th birthdays which are coming up in the next month.
For reasons I’m not going to get into here, the trip is off. We didn’t make this decision ourselves, it was made for us, and that, and the fact that other people are going instead of us, is making the loss of the vacation that much tougher to bear.
I knew turning 40 would put me into a bit of a funk. I’m sure every “change of decade” birthday seems more significant than the last, and 40 seems, well, “middle-aged”. Like I’m officially not young anymore and can’t pretend to be either. I’m officially grown-up, officially an adult and there are no more excuses for not having my shit together. Of course, most of us never feel we are completely grown up. Many of us are never completely confident we have all our shit all together* and up until now that was ok. But now, at this age, imperfections feel like failures and the realization that the clock is winding down on making things right is sobering. 40 is a tough one. I realize this is not unique to me, I do.
(*exception: our 20’s when we thought we knew everything)
Andrew and I are also blessed with having birthdays in the darkest, wettest, dankest months of the year and we knew we wanted, needed, to see a light shining in the distance as we approached our 40th’s. The light has been turned out, and it’s pretty damn dark in here.
the blog is back
Oh but it’s a mess. I changed from Wordpress.com to Wordpress.org over the weekend and I still have some fixin’ to do, including some fiddling to a new theme. Things should look a little fancier over here by tonight.
Edit, 8:00 pm: Well? Hmm? Major re-do here folks. The backbone is done, and facelift is as done as it’s going to be for a while. This may not be my ultimate theme, but it’s the theme that needed the least customization (believe it or not), so it’s going to stick for a bit, while I focus back on content. Which is really what it should be about. But I like the pretty – do you?
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This day in paradise begins a little differently than most. Today we are setting out on a much anticipated snorkeling trip, my brother and I, our (now ex) partners, my brother’s best friend, his best friend’s dad, brother-in-law and nephew. The water and skies are as crystal clear as I’ve ever seen them as we reach our first stop. We swim into an island tunnel, a long, watery cave with a pirates’ oasis hidden in the centre.
We leave the cave island and head to our next destination, about an hour away. Suddenly, the boat stops. The driver and his mates point to the water – over 50 dolphins are circling the boat. They jump and spin in the air, splashing us. It’s magical and fantastic and we snap picture after picture, toasting with cold beers to the “BEST DAY EVER!”
The next island is my favourite snorkeling spot in the world. But on this day, the water is unexpectedly cloudy, not clear. The tides are rough, not peaceful. Standing on the shore’s edge, water is at your ankles one minute, the next, your neck. We leave, disappointed.
We jump in the ocean a couple of times on our way back inland but the water is too rough. “Strangest tides I’ve ever seen” says the friend’s brother-in-law, a scuba instructor.
We head back home in the glorious afternoon sunshine, still reveling in a near perfect day.
As we approach the shore of our island, we notice things in the water. Strange things, like a cooler. A lawn chair. A whole palm tree. What the hell? A baby bottle. Oh god.
There is no one on the miles of beach. No one. Not a soul. What happened here? What is happening here?
The boat is silent.
We come upon our beach and see crushed bungalows. The once white beach is now black – wet with dark sand; covered in debris. The entire place is deserted, except for one man who owns the beach bar next door.
My brother and I run to him “What happened Rocky? What happened? Where IS everyone?”
“Gone”, he says. “All gone. Earthquakes, all over the world. Everything. Gone. Everything. Everywhere”.
My heart stops and a shiver runs through my entire being. I look at my brother as we both cry, silent, terrified tears and hug each other close.
I count my blessings that I didn’t see worse that day and pray (in my own way) for those who didn’t make it through, who weren’t as lucky as we were.
It turns out Rocky was wrong. It wasn’t everywhere and everything, but in his world, it was. It was December 26, 2004 on a small island in Southern Thailand.
I’d like to thank the always kick-ass Linda at All & Sundry for giving me permission to snag the comment I left on her site about a year ago that formed the basis for this post. Thanks Linda.
